Am I really alone?
by MeThinks-I-Like-Books
Summary: Max has always thought she is the only one of her kind and she never questioned it before. But some niggling doubt is growing in her and she wants to know more, including scouring the internet for hours on end for others like herself. Will she succeed?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer….I don't own MR.**

**So, new story for you, the whole plot?**

**Max has always believed she is the only one of her kind - the kind with wings - convinced by her scientist father that she was created as a fluke, she has never tried searching for others. But some niggling doubt is growing inside her, and she wants to know more, and this includes scouring the internet for hours on end, to find leads on others like her who she can talk to and relate to. Having never felt like she truly belongs, and afraid of being treated a "freak", Max believes this is her only chance of truly being happy. Will she succeed?**

My name is Maximum Martinez, but call me anything but Max and you have no chance of holding a conversation with me. Sorry, but that's the way things are. I live with my Mom Val Martinez, local heroic vet, friends with everyone she ever meets, regular do-gooder, you know the type (I imagine - maybe you don't). And with my sister Ella, goodie-two-shoes, and straight-A student, pretty in a subtle, yet noticeable way and could steal the heart of anybody she ever meets - mess with her and you mess with me, she's my sister, bitch. My Dad? He's around, he doesn't live with us. But he's around, turns up like a rash at unwanted moments, I mean don't get me wrong, he's still my Dad, we just never saw eye to eye particularly, not since he ditched us and left me to mend the broken heart of my mother and look after my sister when I was 10.

So you're probably thinking yeah, yeah, what's so special? You just described like a billion other 17-year-old girls. What's so special about me? What makes me so different from the rest? Why should you even care at all?

Do any of those other billion girls you know have a 16-foot pair of wings grafted into their backs? Have any of them launched themselves off of skyscrapers and lived to tell the tale? Oh yeah, got your attention there.

Ok- so the skyscraper thing - never technically done that, Mom won't let me, but I know I could do it if I tried and I really can fly. The highest I've ever launched from was the roof of the house, and Mom freaked when she found out I had done that. She's not a huge fan of this whole wing thing, I mean, she doesn't love me any less for them, if anything it just makes her more protective over me.

So the only thing is, I don't have a clue what i can truly do. As far as I know, I am the only one of my kind. Dad says I was a fluke of some kind - he's a scientist, convinced Mom it was in the best interest of science to "create" me, making me some science-project of his (and you wonder why we don't see eye-to-eye), and then, scared by the reality of how far science really could go, didn't create any more? I'm hazy on that part. But when I was born, Mom put her foot down, said no to all the experiments they wanted to do on me, and tries to let me lead a "normal" life. I mean, normal kids don't have to be pulled from swim class by their parents because their wings would show through their swim suits, but hey, you can't win all your battles I guess.

I just wish sometimes that I had someone I could talk to, someone like me. None of my friends at school know, Ella does, but even she doesn't really get it, like how do I explain to her that running just doesn't affect me like it does her, and not because I'm spectacularly fit or do loads of exercise, but just because I'm wired up differently. I tried to tell someone at school once, someone I thought I could tell anything in the world to, but they just laughed in my face when I told them, and I never bothered to prove it to them, it just genuinely hurt that they couldn't understand that I was being serious. And it would just be totally cool, you know, to have someone else who understands purely how _amazing_ it is to feel the wind in your feathers and the ground below you. And someone who can give me tips on flying, who I could fly with without getting lonely, or yelled at by my Mom for being so high up.

I guess I'll never really know that feeling, if they never created another one of my kind, then I guess I'll just have to suffer with the loneliness, and I even think I could deal with that and be done with it, if I truly believed it. It's just lately, I have this niggling doubt in the bottom of my stomach that there has to be more, and why would my Dad just create one? _Especially_ if Mom wouldn't let them experiment on me...surely they wouldn't just stop there? I mean - "scared by the reality of how far science can go"? Each time I see my Dad he's rubbing his hands together at the thought of some new technological advance, and he's not the fearful type.

So, I guess I'm about to do what never even crossed my mind before, and I don't know why it didn't cross my mind...it just didn't, I've never been in this much doubt before I guess. But the internet these days is a pretty powerful thing right? I mean, it's a huge place, and it could take me years to try and find out if my theory is true, about there being more of my kind, but I honestly don't know where else to start. In fact, I'm not even sure the internet is a narrow enough option, what am I going to do, type "bird-kid" into google? Scour lonely-hearts ad's for "winged creature seeks fellow winged creature for flying tips and friendship"? It's just not going to happen, so I've been putting it off. But I can't wait forever.


	2. Chapter 2

Right, that's it. Billy Callaghan asked me to spring fling today, and I had to say no, not because I don't like him, I mean, he's a nice enough guy, and cute at that. But I just can't trust "human" guys. No, scratch that, it makes me sound like an alien (much as I often do feel like one), and there's no way I can make you understand - but having wings? I dunno, it just doesn't exactly make you want to date just anyone, and not simply because you know one day you'll have to reveal your wings to them, but just knowing that you are different to them? It's weird. Besides, my wings _totally_ couldn't hide under a cute dress.

So I'm going to do it. Start the endless and probably fruitlessly depressing search for others much like myself. Just open up that search page and...what do i write?

"Genetic mutant avian-human hybrids"

Might as well not beat about the bush...I mean, we might as well go for a straight-forward approach.

So after a whole day and a bit of trawling through sites of speculating individuals over the possibilities of human-animal hybrids, pages upon pages about bird-flu and some pretty scary scientists claiming to have done home experiments and succeeding - I laughed at the possibility of this being even remotely true - the "scientists" in question couldn't even spell simple words. I eventually decided to throw in the bag for now. I needed a new approach, and I just wasn't sure what that was.

"Max, get out of bed! Now! You _promised_ to go dress shopping with me today!" I groaned and rolled over, burying my head deep under my soft (not feather - you bird killer!) pillow. Suddenly I felt a weight on my bed to my right and a hand grab onto a dozen feathers on my wing where it was sticking out of the duvet. I froze. "You wouldn't dare Ella," my voice was steely. "Get out of bed now and you won't have to find out," she threatened. I considered it for a couple of seconds, and then rolled over, breaking free of her grasp and staggering into the bathroom. I know Ella wouldn't really pull out any of my feathers, but there's always something about her threats that you can't quite be sure of, especially where there is shopping involved. And there was no way I was ever finding out. You know how painful it is if someone pulls a hair or two out? Yeah imagine that ten-fold for feathers - they get caught on a lot of things if you aren't careful, and sometimes, you lose a few...it makes me wince just thinking about it.

On the way to the mall, Ella wouldn't shut up about spring fling, or Trevor (her date) or dresses, or any other end of girly things that were just driving me crazy.

"And like, the band is supposed to be really cool, do you think we actually got someone famous in? Because that would be soooo cool. What colour dress should I get? Trevor says I look cute in any colour, but he has to say that. I think he really secretly likes my pink shirt the best though, so maybe I should get a pink dress. And are you suuuuure you don't want to come Max? You'd totally look amazing in a nice blue dress with...are you even listening to me?" She trailed off, turning round with a disdainful look in her eyes.

"I'm concentrating on the road Ella," I muttered through gritted teeth.

"Max, please? Talk to me," she began to sound genuinely sympathetic and curious now.

I rolled my eyes. "I don't really want to talk about it Ells."

"But seriously, you've been acting really off lately, like something else is up. I'm your sister, you can tell me."

"You wouldn't understand," I mumbled.

"Oh, yeah, it's a 'mutant bird-kid' thing right? I wouldn't get it, whatever," she retorted sarcastically, spinning round to face out of the window.

That stung when she said that, I hate it when she sees me as something different than her and her friends, even more when she senses that I see myself differently. And the whole 'mutant' thing, yeah, that never hurts any less.

"Ella, how am I meant to talk to you about how hideous I'd look in a dress with my wings sticking out the back of it? Or how I can eat like a horse compared to you? In fact, you look at me like I _am_ a horse sometimes."

"Max, I'd _never_ think of you as a horse," she was almost laughing at this. "Seriously, you're my sister, if you have a problem, talk to me, if I don't entirely get it, then I can at least try, or you could try to _tell_ me how you're feeling about it all. I want to know"

I sighed, concentrating for a minute as I pulled into the parking space, before grabbing my bag and getting out of the car, all the while thinking of how to put how I was feeling into words.

"I really wanted to say yes to Billy," I started.

"Then why didn't you? And don't pull the wings excuse out, you know I could find a fashion extravaganza to help you out there if you wanted me to."

"I wanted to say yes, not because I like him, but because I really wish I _could_ like him." I looked away, I knew this was a dumb idea; she was never going to understand.

Ella pulled me into a huge hug, taking me off guard. "Max, you're not so different from the rest of us you know? I mean, yeah, so you have wings and your lungs are wired up differently, and possibly a load of other anatomical anomalies. That doesn't mean your brain and your heart are any different, that you're any less human inside."

I suddenly had no idea what to say, how was it that she knew exactly where I was coming all of a sudden? She'd been acting clueless for weeks.

"For the last time Max, I'm your sister, I know when you're feeling like crap, and seriously, Billy Callaghan would be so lucky to have you as his date, you're so much nicer than any of the other girls in your year, in fact, in the whole school, and that's not because you have had to deal with a whole other load of crap they haven't, but because you have a heart of gold, and that has nothing to do with your bird genes."

You know, for a fifteen-year-old, she talks some sense. In fact, she talks a whole load of sense. That doesn't stop me from having that nagging doubt in the pit of my stomach though. "I still can't bring myself to like him Ella. I can't explain it...it's just; you don't think he's ever going to act normally if he finds out do you? And yeah, he doesn't have to find out any time soon, if ever, but it's the principle, I can't date, I can't ever get really close to a guy without them _eventually _finding out. And yeah, I may be lucky enough to find someone who loves me enough that they can see past the wings, and just see me as me, but what if I'm not that lucky? What if they just freak and run, or what if they get mad at me for never telling them?"

"Come on, some retail therapy will help you," she grinned, grabbing my arm and pulling me into the shops. Like I said, I knew she wouldn't really get it.

At the end of the day, Ella had a new dress, new shoes, new handbag, new make-up and new jewelry, and I must admit, she did look absolutely stunning in it. It was a beautifully soft shade of pink satin cut just above the knee, pulled in at the waist and with a layered skirt, it suited her just right. Even I came out with a new outfit "to make me feel better". But I was so relieved to get in the car at the end of it and go home.

I was too tired to continue my internet search when I got in. Physically _and _mentally. I guess all that could wait until tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

My alarm buzzed painfully loudly at me in the morning, screaming at me to get out of bed, and all I wanted to do was bury my sleep-deprived head under the warm, welcoming covers and hide there for all of my days. Ok, so I was being melodramatic, but I am _not_ a morning person, and I had to face Billy at school today, which was just another haunting reason to send me further into my abyss of bed sheets.

"MAX!" My Mom yelled, yanking the covers off me, revealing the shafts of blinding, bright light blaring in through the just-opened curtains. "You are late young lady, and you are making your sister late too, I have surgery this morning so I need you to give her a ride to school, you're too late for a shower, now get dressed, grab your books and GO!"

I groaned and looked at the clock, it read 8.45. Class started at 9 and I'd already been late too many times this term. I rolled out of bed at lightning speed, stumbling due to the sudden head-rush that came from getting up too fast and throwing on my new outfit because it was the closest thing to hand and scrunching my feathers in at the last minute as I grabbed a pop tart and my bag and ran to the car where Ella was already waiting and tapping her foot impatiently in the passenger seat.

"I can't wait until I can drive and not have to wait for you in the mornings," she moaned, stealing the second half of my pop tart from my hands.

"Oh, but Ella, you wouldn't leave your poor sister in bed and take the car without her now would you?" I said in a patronizing voice and grabbing her cheek in between my thumb and forefinger like Aunt Hilda always does when we go visit, successfully managing to grab the pop tart back as she tried to swat me away.

Such banter was normal between us in the mornings, like I said, Ella was the goody-goody type who never liked being late, whereas I, her careless older sister never really bothered about school. Books don't come easy to me, sports - yes, like I said they were effortless, but I sucked at things like art and music, I was far too clumsy and impatient for things like that.

I knew I had history first thing this morning, which I had never been overly bothered about, so a load of dead people did a load of things a load of years ago - big deal. And biology after that, which just on principle I hated because Dad was a scientist, although I must admit, this term we've been studying genetics, and my ears have prickled with interest one or two times, never enough to actually pass a test, but just curious to find how someone like me was possible - not that we cover human-animal hybrids 101. So basically, I was kind of flunking most things, I mean, I was going to graduate at the end of the year, but only just, and I was never going to be one of these super-duper college types, or take after either of my parents careers, though I would have loved to be a vet like Mom if I'd cared early enough to get the grades.

I rolled into a space about ten minutes later, jumping out as soon as we got there and locking the car over my shoulder, skidding to a halt outside my form room as the bell was starting to ring, and landing in my seat just as it ended. I grinned to myself, pleased with my skills at getting here so fast, maybe I should get up at 8.45 every morning if this was possible.

I half-listened to Mr Phillips read out the announcements as I got my bag in order and re-tied my hair, trying to smooth down the bed-head look. When he'd finished, he let us chat amongst ourselves for a few minutes before the bell went for us to go to our respective first classes, and Billy jumped at this opportunity to come talk to me. I mean literally, he jumped out of his seat and repositioned himself on my desk before I had a chance to sit back in my chair.

"Max, I just wanted to check, you know, about the dance, one last time, because I've had other offers, and well, they are no-where near as good as you, but I don't want to leave it too long and be left without a date," he looked at me pleadingly with those bambi eyes, and I finally saw what made him such eye-candy for the rest of the girls who were swooning at the thought of him asking them, and those brave enough - or desperate enough - to ask him themselves. He had fairly short, messy dirty blond hair, but not in a typical lazy teenager kind of way, more like a surfer would look, in that effortless, I can have a few extra minutes in bed and run a hand through my hair in the morning and it'll still be ok kind of way, and mixed with those ice-blue eyes that also kind of remind you of the ocean, even though we live in Arizona, it just has an effect on you.

I was staring, and acutely aware all of a sudden that I had not yet spoken. "Urm, Billy...I just, I'm sorry. You're a great guy, and any girl would be lucky to go with you, I just, I don't do dances for a start, have you ever seen me at a dance? And I...I'm sorry. It's not you I promise. I just, don't want to go," I half-smiled, lamely hoping this would make up for it and knowing I haven't really given him a real reason, just blundered my way through a sentence.

To my surprise, his eyes lit up, "does that mean you'll go get a drink with me sometime? I mean, no dresses, no dancing, just me and you, we could grab a coffee after school one day." He looked so hopeful. Oh no! I've led him on. What have I done? I told him that it wasn't him and I just didn't do dances, that's not what I meant, well, it sort of was but...

"No, I mean, sorry, it's just...look I'm no good at this Billy, I really am sorry, and you do seem like a great guy, but you could do better than me, I'm not really the dating type to be honest, dances, coffee, I just...I don't know how to explain it to you I'm sorry," I stumbled over my words even more this time, hating the way the hope cracked on his face, only to be replaced by visible pain for a second, before he covered that up and tried to look indifferent.

"I get it Max, you don't like me. Just come out and say it ok. Don't bother about sparing my feelings, I'd rather just hear the truth," he replied, and turned his back, heading for the door just as the bell went.

I rolled my eyes hating myself for how that went. It wasn't supposed to come out like that, how was I supposed to explain to him that I didn't want to date _any_ guys right now. And why did he have to come over like that, he seemed fine the other day when I said I couldn't go, why didn't he just leave it at that?

I reached down for my bag and trudged off for history, this was going to be a long day.

When I got there, I found that Mrs Smith had set us a computer-based research assignment to get on with in the lesson, as she had some important meeting to be in, and suddenly the day seemed a little less dull.

"Hey Lily," I smiled sitting down next to one of my best friends, who I knew happened to be a bit of a computer whizz and might be able to give me a few pointers. I wasn't sure how to ask her without seeming suspicious though.

Obviously no-one in the class was doing the assignment, other than the select few who were rushing to get it done so they wouldn't have to do it later. "Any chance you can help me with something Lil?" I asked, peering over her shoulder and trying to decipher the pages of code she'd brought up on the screen and deciding it best not to ask.

"Anything," she smiled sweetly, averting her attention from her task and focusing on me. One of the great things about her, she always wants to help, no matter how busy she is.

"It's just, I'm not really sure what I'm looking for exactly," I admitted. "And I don't know where to start either."

"Internet's a pretty big place if you don't know what you're doing," she laughed, but not in a mocking way. "You might need to give me a bit more information than that though."

"I'm looking for someone, well, some people maybe, I don't know for sure, they're...family in a way I guess, but I don't know their names." I mentally kicked myself; even I wouldn't have a clue what I was talking about if I was her.

"Ok, the best way to look for people is on a social networking site...you tried there?"

"No," I admitted, of course! I should have thought of that.

So Lily set me up and gave me a load of tips about finding people when you don't really know who you are looking for, how to get past certain barriers that I wasn't even sure if it was legal. She then showed me links to a load of chat rooms for people seeking friends and family, and a wide names database with birth records and the likes all in the space of about fifteen minutes.

"Thanks so much Lily." I gave her a hug, and turned my full attention back to the screen, she just saved me a whole load of time.

At the end of the lesson, I was still technically nowhere definitive, but had a couple of potential leads on what might be either scientists specializing in pre-implantation genetic modification of animal fertilization...not quite what I'm looking for, but the government wouldn't just advertise genetic hybrids on the internet, so I had to think outside the box. A couple others were mouthy teens mainly claiming to be something super-human. A lot of the time it was totally unbelievable, but a couple were just that detailed enough, or edgy enough to have something to them.

I printed all that I needed, logged off and headed to biology.


End file.
